Coping with a Seasonal Mood Swing

The fact is that despite everything I do to overcome these seasonal mood swings, I'm not able to eliminate them--at least not now. That's not to say that I feel bad. I don't. I do have a low-grade depression, but the Adderall enables me to live with it.

The problem is that I'm just don't feel as well at this time of year as I do during my best months --which currently are April through September. But, I've decided this doesn't need to be a huge problem. I'll list the symptoms--as I see them--and the solutions.

1. I don't feel like writing my blog five days a week (until I have more energy). So...I've decided (for the time being) to only post on Mondays until I feel like posting more often.

2. For the most part, I don't feel like reading other blogs (for now), and commenting. I'll trust that my online friends will understand this, and realize that as soon as things change, I'll be there to support them.

3. I don't feel like socializing as much as usual. I've decided this is no longer the problem I once thought it was. I know plenty of people who are so busy that they rarely see their friends. I know others who are so self-absorbed that they rarely put themselves out for people. So...independent of the causal factors of my own situation, I've decided I no longer have to explain myself if I need more "alone time."

4. I don't feel like exercising as much as I usually do, except I know how important exercise is in reducing the symptoms of depression. So...I have vowed to continue walking the dog at least once a day, and to try to walk him twice because of the importance of exercise. If I need motivation, I have a few friends in the neighborhood with whom I can walk.

5. It difficult to motivate myself to do things I don't truly enjoy. I've decided that's okay. There are very few things I need to do that I don't enjoy.

6. The good news is that when I feel like this, I enjoy working on personal writing projects, and I have a few really good ideas that I plan on pursuing.

7. After a few months where I didn't feel like shooting photographs, my interest in photography is renewed, and this is a good hobby for me to pursue on my own.

8. Since I have problems with Thanksgiving and Christmas when I feel this way, I've come up with some new ways of celebrating the holidays that should make a huge difference. This year, my husband, son, and I are going to have Thanksgiving at a wonderful restaurant, and we're all looking forward to it. I'll write about our Christmas plans sometime soon.

9. My gardening projects still interest me, and that's a real relief. Next Saturday, I'm going to help my friend do the landscaping job at her daughter's elementary school. And I'm still working on a front yard and backyard project at my house.

10. Most of all, I'm going to accept the way I feel without judging myself. It's the way things are whether I would choose to be this way or not. I don't have to apologize. I don't have to feel bad. I can see all this as a "quirky personality trait" rather than a disability of sorts.

Taking Two Days Off

I'm taking a few days off. See you on Monday.

Wellness Activities: Gardening, Libraries, and Books

Sissinghurst Castle, Kent

Tuesday nights are my botany class, and although I decided not to go last night (I like the people, but I don't like the way the class is being taught), I spent the evening reading gardening books, which is my new passion.

Yesterday I went to a public library I rarely visit, but they had a book on hillside gardening that I wanted to check out. And, I had such a wonderful time that I've decided to start trying new libraries just for fun. It's less expensive than going to bookstores, one of my favorite places. And, I love libraries. What's better than going to someplace with a ton of books on so many interesting topics, and being able to take home so many...for free.

One of the books I chose is The Illustrated Garden Book, an anthology of gardening columns by Vita Sackville-West. She was an English author and poet, and created the garden at her home in Sissinghurst, Kent. I had known about her since college, when I took some women's history courses.

What I love about this book is Sackville-West's writing style. She writes delectable personal essays about gardening and flowers. And, since this is the kind of writing I may wish to do, not only am I enjoying the book, but I'm learning a lot.

As I spent hours reading her marvelous essays and poems, my experience confirmed why I'd chosen to miss class. I'm taking these gardening classes to learn. But, at this stage in my life, I'm truly not interested in listening to people talk who don't inspire me. So...while I may have to rethink my participation in this certificated program, I've realized that my true goal is to continue finding teachers (like my first one) whose love of gardening makes my heart soar!

What wellness activities/hobbies makes your heart soar?

P.S. I don't mean to blow my own horn, but Wendy Love wrote a wonderful essay about my blog in hers, and it made my day!

Dealing with People Who Make Us Angry (Part 2)

When we think of the people who make us angry, the obvious question is why? I think it's a combination of things. I believe that some people make us angry because that's their goal. They know how to "get under our skin," and possibly enjoy doing it. Why? Probably because of their own pathology.

In my experience, some people are so selfish that it's impossible to resolve things with them. We have one relative who ruined every holiday for years. And, no matter how we changed our plans to accommodate her, there was always a lot of tension, and continuous problems. Finally, I'd had enough. I'm only sorry I didn't put my foot down years ago.

Then, there are those passive-aggressive folks who never ask for what they want, and so it's impossible to resolve things with them. That's a behavioral pattern I've never understood so it's difficult for me to try and figure out what they hope to gain by their passivity.

Finally, there are the people who are totally irrational, and it's impossible to talk with them. I used to think that if you could present a logical argument to someone who's illogical, it might help them. But, it doesn't. They're going to rant no matter what you say, so why expend the energy?

What's kind of interesting about aging is that at this stage of my life, I've decided that life is too short of keep on "dancing the same dance" with people who won't change, and with whom there are constant problems.

Any thoughts?

Dealing with People Who Make Us Angry (Part 1)

Sometimes I read a post that resonates with me, and I "noodle" on it for a few days. Last week, a fellow blogger wrote a piece about how her ex-husband makes her feel angry.

As some of you know, I've spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with the anger I felt about the way I was treated when I was severely depressed, and the anger I felt at my mother's doctors, her friends, and my siblings for the way they treated her during the final two years of her life.

Therapy provided me with a venue to discuss how I felt with someone who was non-judgmental, and could provide a different perspective. Actually, and I smile as I write this, my therapist's views confirmed my own. And because I was able to share what happened, and have someone truly listen without offering excuses for people's behavior, I finally was able to be done with my anger and move on.

In my case, none of these people are a part of my life any longer. Having read a ton of books about forgiveness, and having discussed it with my therapist (in great depth) and my rabbi, I realized I could be done with my anger without forgiving them. (If you feel compelled to lecture me on forgiveness, please don't.)

But, in my fellow blogger's case, the person who makes her angry is a part of her life. So, the real question is: "How do you deal with people who make you angry if you can't remove them from your life?"

(to be continued)